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Offline It’s still me

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Stand Up attempts (no hecklers)
« on: July 19, 2017, 04:58:57 PM »
Post your original jokes.

You can be vanilla or blue. Mark on your joke if vanailla, black, or blue to warn people.

If you don't like it, find crickets to paste beneath the joke   8)
« Last Edit: July 19, 2017, 05:05:42 PM by Forlorn Serpent »

Offline It’s still me

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Re: Stand Up attempts (no hecklers)
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2017, 05:04:23 PM »
Joke is Blue.

So I went to get a pedicure. I know, don't judge. It didn't work though. I'm still a pedo.

First person/ about me jokes isn't the best way to present this joke. Duh, I'm stupid.

So I sent my uncle to get a pedicure. I know, don't judge. It didn't work though. He's still a pedo.
« Last Edit: July 20, 2017, 07:34:08 AM by Forlorn Serpent »

Offline It’s still me

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Re: Stand Up attempts (no hecklers)
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2017, 09:26:41 PM »
Joke is vanilla/blue

I'm not ashamed to say I voted for trump. I really wanted this to go back to the things they were. I want to bring back the things that made America Great. I want sexy nurses, sexy librarians, sexy maids... I just want sexy back. 

Do I regret voting for him? Of course I do. I took a viagra pill that lasted too long and went to the hospital. It went away as soon as I entered. Good thing too. I don't have insurance.

Offline MahluaandMilk

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Re: Stand Up attempts (no hecklers)
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2017, 10:07:28 PM »
Joke is vanilla.

Y'know, I don't understand flat-earthers. Like, I went to college in the mountains. Mountains are pretty real, so that in and of itself isn't flat. It's gotta at least be like a wrinkly piece of paper, but it ain't flat! Y'all need a new name or somethin.




"It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure."--Marquis de Sade
But yes hello I am the freakier freak than you.

Offline It’s still me

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Re: Stand Up attempts (no hecklers)
« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2017, 12:10:06 AM »
Joke is vanilla/black

Tw:sexism

I get a lot of Sh*t for believing in a lot of stupid things. I believe in aliens, ghosts, still living today dinosaurs and stuff like that. When i told my friend, he just laughed at me.

My buddy said,"let me guess, you believe in magic, omens, and witches."

I looked him right in the eye and i want to make it clear here and now. I don't believe in witches. The idea of a woman being able to control anything, let alone the forces of nature, is beyond ridiculous, even for me.

 
« Last Edit: July 30, 2017, 02:59:17 PM by Forlorn Serpent »

Offline MahluaandMilk

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Re: Stand Up attempts (no hecklers)
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2017, 12:54:30 PM »
For most of us, our communication gets wonky when Mercury is retrograde, but your Saturn is squared to your Mercury and you almost constantly seem to force it into retrograde yourself.

(Because I had to follow that up with a witch joke, somehow.)
"It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure."--Marquis de Sade
But yes hello I am the freakier freak than you.

Offline It’s still me

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Re: Stand Up attempts (no hecklers)
« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2017, 03:26:19 PM »
Alright, jokes with jargon...@mahluaandmilk, can you explain your previous joke in chit chat section.


Joke is vanilla

So my boyfriend of 20 years finally dumped me. He said I Kept pressuring him... to get the f@ck out of my house.

Offline It’s still me

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Re: Stand Up attempts (no hecklers)
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2017, 08:02:32 PM »

Joke is blue.

It's 2017 people! You don't have to be gay to watch gay porn. But it sure helps.


Offline It’s still me

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Re: Stand Up attempts (no hecklers)
« Reply #8 on: October 13, 2017, 01:37:11 PM »
Some topical humor.

The whole Harvey Weinstein incident, I mean history, has put a spotlight on sexual favors. It really is scary you know. I even heard talks that every porn producer has been fired for demanding sex for a role.
« Last Edit: October 13, 2017, 01:39:57 PM by Forlorn Serpent »

Offline It’s still me

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Re: Stand Up attempts (no hecklers)
« Reply #9 on: January 22, 2018, 10:12:50 AM »
Joke: Vanilla / sexist

Last was an eye opener for me. Those females really put the sag in SAG awards.

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Re: Stand Up attempts (no hecklers)
« Reply #10 on: January 24, 2018, 09:23:00 PM »
Here is some observational humor.



Does anyone else think that the answer to police shooting black people can be solved with one simple change?
Maybe don't make the training shooting targets all black?