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Offline rubixmaestro

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Punks Under The Bridge
« on: October 14, 2012, 01:59:46 PM »
Puppets Under The Bridge

0 - PUppets
   
In the cloud of space, information was flowing. A private and expensive Swiss server was the destination of this information, and on it, a strange sort of meeting was occurring.

To paint the picture more clearly, a meeting was happening under a derelict bridge. The bridge was peppered with rust and had a discernible curve, like it wanted to meet the dirty water that flowed beneath it. This bridge was one that had once been built to hold cars, but it could not be trusted to do that anymore, obviously.

Strangely, the bridge had two huge metal bars forming an arc and reinforced girders for some odd reason, even though it was only at most 12 meters long.

Four youths at the end of their rope stood under here, as the unremarkable shallow water passed by them. It was tinged a pale green, and some reeds rustled nearby. Oddly, the city scene around the bridge seemed phased out, blurred like an old photograph.

These four boys wore pertinacious outfits, mostly matching in terms of the piece of clothing. They all had waterproof hoodies on, with extremely baggy jeans.

They were all facing each other as they spoke, and after some unknown signal passed, they began their conversation.

“I almost did it today.” The shortest one of the four said. He had a dark gray hoodie with a lightning logo emblazoned on the back.

“Really?” Another with a red hoodie asked, “With what?”

“Many things. I swiped some pills, vodka, my dad’s climbing rope and the kitchen knife…”

“So… ?”

“It was scary.”

“And stupid.” Another replied. This one wore black on black. He seemed to hold a certain amount of authority among the three. He continued,

“The reason we meet under this bridge is to find the perfect alternative, people. Let’s not forget that. Going that way is a pain for us and for everyone involved.”

“Media Circus.”

“Guilt trips for everyone.”

“Our parents would be sad.”

“We’d be laughed at eventually.”

“Hated, even.”

They all shared their input on why they didn’t want to do "it". The discussion was grim, but it seemed to be headed in a relatively correct direction.

The one who hadn’t yet spoken, Blue on Black, said,

“Should we become soldiers? Join the military? It basically fulfills our needs.”

Dark Gray and Lightning sighed, “I thought of that, but that’s years away. Even if we get in in some special way it’d take more than a month. I can’t even handle staying like this one more day... Sorry guys… I’m really at the end of my tolerance.”

They were all silent, because they all agreed. They had all skipped school for this final internet chat session under the bridge.

“I… I had an idea.” Black on Black spoke, and they all looked at him. The usually authoritative voice had hesitated, and this interested them even more.

“But it will only work if we truly think we are the way we feel we are.”

“What do you mean?” Blue on Black prompted.

“I’m serious, people; this won’t work if you still… have hope.”

“Do we look like happy people to you?”

It didn’t matter who said it. It was true for all of them. Yes, despair was the word that described these youths.

“Come on, spit it out already.” Red on Black urged.

“We… are going to become puppets.”

I: A New Handler

Ciro’s phone beeped. He outstretched his index finger and thumb in front of him and a glowing square screen of information appeared in the space between the two.

His goggles were the ones responsible for projecting this virtual world to his eyes. It was a cheap gadget compared to the implants that others got, but it served him well.

Ciro read the message. It would be the second command of the day, by his count.

“Go to class.”

Well that was simple enough. For him anyways. Any person new on the campus of Soloucity Academy would easily be confused by the hundreds of walkways and stairs and corridors and rush of people from both the highest classes to the lowest.

Age didn’t dictate what class one was in, because they had quite a number of undoubted geniuses within the college. Ciro was fairly high on the IQ table, being the youngest in his humble class of F1.

Class for Ciro was 30 metres from where he was. He followed the shortest route, kept his head down amongst a crowd of mixed faces and statures, which was simple enough in the standard outfit of those not wanting to be seen: Hoodie, jeans and unlabeled sneakers. Cheap, accepted, and stealthy. He managed to make it through without meeting a bully this time, which was a definite plus.

Ciro located his class, checked the time: 7000 hours. He wondered what his handler was thinking. Oh well, at least that person hadn’t given any unreasonable requests so far. Besides, the program had only been active for a week, so it was understandable that whoever used it wouldn’t be sure how to exactly.

He hadn’t seen his friends this entire week, but he imagined he was having it easier than any of them possibly could. Because of his handler’s hesitation, he was having a very rare moment of peace in his life
None of his other three friends had had any particularly extravagant requests as well, so all was good.

Ciro realized something: it was working, his ideal life of having nothing to think about for himself was happening. He was still invisible, still alone, but he’s week had undoubtedly been great.

Beep. Another message. Ciro opened his phone and glanced at it, then read it.

“Handler daymare1442 has submitted the rights of Punk #1 to a new handler!”

Ciro took his seat at the back of the class uneasily. The sunlight streamed on the message and it took a while for the goggles to adjust the light filter. He took this moment to think.

His handler had actually used the auction function? His rights had been sold to someone else? But that was something that was written in the huge volume of tutorial documentation detailing The Program… The fact that someone had read that far and figured out that function meant someone serious was about to use him. When the goggles finally adjusted, Ciro immediately continued reading the message,

“Punk #1’s rights have been submitted to ONE.”

Ciro, Punk #1, looked at the message prompts and waited while three dots appeared and disappeared in sequence, as it loaded all information to the new user. His avatar accompanied the loading screen, a boy in a black hooded raincoat wearing black jeans. Ciro felt sweat form on his brow as the loading approached completion.

Beep.

The screen opened a chat window as he received a private message from someone named ONE.

ONE? Such an unstylish name…

“ONE: Yo, human puppet!”

Ciro didn’t know if he should reply. He simply stared at the screen.

Meanwhile the teacher strolled inside the classroom and began writing on the graphic board. His lesson began to appear on the student’s persocoms at their desks. There were some odd ones out like Ciro who weren’t even paying attention, but most of the class in general was opening their school software kits and getting into the flow of the lesson.

Beep.

“ONE: Let’s have some fun, okay?”

Ciro was hesitant for a moment, then typed out a reply. His message appeared on the chat box window on screen:

“Punk #1: What do you have in mind?”

“ONE: First, a test. According to you, you’re going to do anything and everything your handler wishes? So long as it doesn’t go against the 5 laws you have written?”

The Five laws were set into The Program to make sure The Handler had a little restriction, and The Punk had no escape. Ciro and his friends had made extra sure to keep them simple yet firm.

“Punk #1: Yes, that’s the system we’ve set up.”

“ONE: Interesting. Okay, then.”

Beeep.

The longer message tone indicated he had just been sent a new objective by his handler. Ciro read the screen in surprise and quickly turned a scarlet red. This was ridiculous.

“ONE: Kiss Haruka Zel.”

Ciro stared at the message.

Beep. ONE sent him a personal message.

“ONE: According to your rules, if you disobey a reasonable order sent by your handler - me for now- I receive information that will destroy your life forever?”

Ciro remembered, and didn’t bother replying. He was exactly right. Disobeying orders meant basically death.

The teacher was going into a mathematical proof of artificial intelligence, when Ciro stood up. His seat made an audible creak in the classroom, causing some to look up and the teacher to glance back at him. The teacher didn’t spare him much thought,

“Get back into your seat Ciro. If you have to go to the restroom be quick about it please and don’t disturb the class.” And after saying this, the teacher continued his lecture nonchalantly.
Ciro stepped away from his desk and began walking ahead. There were a few whispered comments that were barely audible behind his back, and Ciro heard them perfectly.

“Oy, look. It’s the phantom.”

Phantom was the nickname for Ciro in this class.

“Maybe he’s finally going to give up?”

“No ways. He’s too cowardly for that. Remember he passed out in that virtual dodge ball match? How does someone do that?”

Some of the gossipers weren’t even trying to be particularly malicious in their talk, and were generally what one would call ‘good’. But to Ciro, these comments still cut as sharp and true as ever. It took a moment for him to phase them out from his mind and concentrate on the task at hand.

Ciro managed to make it to his target, who sat at the front desk.

Ciro’s stomach was full of butterflies, and he was sweating nervously as he studied the form of the most beautiful girl in the class, and definitely one of the top in the entire academy.

Haruka Zel, 14, was a Eurasian with red flaming hair and a perfect face. In the uniform she should look like everyone else, but her petite form and proud aura set her apart from all the other girls despite the fact that they flaunted the latest accessories and social and political status unlike her.

As far as Ciro knew, Haruka indeed came from a rich family but not quite as rich as everyone else’s’ at the academy. She was however constantly at the top of class F1 with a whopping IQ of above 209. With
her intelligence and vicious mouth she matched up in terms of respect even with the other richer and well-known families that learnt in the academy. Her fiery temper had reduced many teachers to silent babbling fools and unfortunate students who sought to bully her into trauma cases that fled at the sight of her.

It was impressive enough that she could talk someone into a whimpering ball of fear, but she apparently knew martial arts. So far no one had managed to stick around long enough in front of her fury to find out how good she was, but she was rumored to have won a district wide competition back at her native home.

Right now in fact the class was unnaturally subdued and obedient as compared to other classes because of the iron grip of her reign. She had earned the nickname The Red Iron Maiden in this class.

This was Haruka Zel.

If Haruka Zel was on the top of the popularity scale in her class, at a boiling point of a 100 degrees celcius, then Ciro was at the opposite end of the spectrum, at the freezing point of 0.

He was the antithesis of her in so many ways. He even had cool blue hair to prove it. Awkard and invisible, Ciro kept under the shadows and no one sought to associate with him. He didn’t even have amicable relationships between students to do simple things like borrow notes, play sports, eat or even share greetings. He was an invisible, invisible phantom who would get enough grades to pass through school, but would not be remembered.

This was Ciro Racoon

Haruka Zel was concentrating on her work, writing manually on her persocom with a digital pen. Yet another manifestation of her dignified royal persona. Whilst others used the keypads she wrote manually, and still managed to match their pace with her quick strokes. It was also so appropriate that the customized digital ink she used was red.

Ciro approached her from the left, and finally stood in front of her. Now the class that had been gossiping about him whilst focusing on their school work fully paid attention to what this infamous boy was doing, their interest piqued.

“Is he crying?” Someone said, mistaking the streams of sweat on Ciro’s face for tears. But when he thought of how Haruka would react, he wanted to cry. He was going to die after all. Despite making The Program to survive.

He cursed his new handler.

He thought of escape for an instant, but a dark cloud hung over him at the thought. He had completely ensured that if he disobeyed a handler’s orders, he would be completely destroyed. He remembered this act paled in comparison to what awaited him in the event of failure.

Haruka finally noticed him, and so did the teacher. The teacher barked,

“Ciro. Your disturbing the class, what are you up to?”

Haruka looked at him with a questioning frown, which soon turned into a glare.

“What are you doing?” The smoldering hating look in her eyes slowly became hotter.

Ciro swallowed a huge lump at his throat and stepped closer.

“Haruka-san… Excuse me.”

He cupped her by her chin, feeling her smooth skin there. She stiffened, about to reflexively avoid what was coming, but Ciro had already swooped in before she had time to react.

...and he kissed her.

***

The infirmary provided the best equipment around town. The city was rich enough to buy shield generators that worked well to control the crazy weather, and therefore everything, especially this academy, was filled with top quality equipment. So it was a given that Ciro’s fractured hand, broken fingers and black eye were easily dealt with.

“I don’t know if it’s this age or something. Kid’s have no restraint or morals these days.” The Nurse, miss Latima pursed her lips, looking stern as ever.
She was good looking enough, but had a certain masculinity about her. It didn’t ruin her appearance, but

rather made her look more intimidating. Normally this was not the case for Ciro, and she was always sympathetic to him, but this time she glared at him without restraint.

“I didn’t expect something like this from you Ciro. In the end… I guess your just like all the other boys who bully you.”

Ciro tried to speak, but couldn’t.

She turned around, tapping on her clip board irritably,

“Sleep for an hour, then return to class. The bandages would’ve done their work by then.”

She walked out of the small room, leaving Ciro alone in his bed. The windows were shuttered by curtains, but she hadn’t bothered opening them. Ciro felt sick with shame.

He was busy pondering the best way the human body could contort itself in order to completely disappear into its own clothing like a snail, when his communicator beeped.

Because his fingers were broken he couldn’t make the screen appear there so he changed the setting to make the information appear directly on his goggles. He normally didn’t like this setting because it made him trip more than he usually did.

The message was of course, from ONE.

 “ONE: WOW. You really did it. This is just amazing. You really, really did it! You’re serious!”

Ciro simply stared at the message. Another beep, and ONE continued typing,

“ONE: You are definitely what I have been waiting for in my boring life. You are the Rex.”

Ciro blankly wondered what this strange person meant. The Rex? What the heck did this guy mean?

“ONE: I’ve seen your documentation for this… Punks Under The Bridge program… I’ve read everything. And I know why you’re doing this… I think.”

Ciro leaned back in bed. He figured out my identity huh. It’s as expected of the users we seek to attract to the program but… it’s still impressive.

“ONE: I know you can’t properly reply now, but let me just say sorry for that. Origianlly I planned to test you with something more extreme but I settled for something more fun for the both of us. I think I’ll trust that you’ll do whatever I tell you, according to your rules. It’s a bit expensive, but I guess in the end it’s a fair trade for both of us, huh?”

ONE was referring to the Handler Order Fee. The Handler paid 1000 yen per word in any given command.
Beep. The message continued.

“ONE: I must warn you, I’m a very rich person, and… I have a lot of things I want you to do.”
Beep.

“ONE: But I promise, so long as you don’t betray my trust…”

Beep.

“ONE: You are going to become a king.”

Ciro read the message, realizing that he had thrust himself in a strange situation. He tried to look out the window, but remembered it was closed.

He content himself with leaning back and going to sleep.

It was going to be a long year.
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Offline Last

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2012, 02:28:03 PM »
Well it's definitely an odd story. I know you said comedy but for now it's more dystopian than anything i feel. Kinda got a Geass vibe off of it. Very depressing to start. So i'm interested to see how you're going to work in the lighter elements.

technical wise there are a few grammar and spelling errors. Some paragraphs looked oddly formatted but it wasn't bad. You've gotten better.

Offline rubixmaestro

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2012, 02:32:46 PM »
I planned on letting it sit 2 weeks before i edited it but i got a tad impatient. I'm still hesitant about gags, but i'll throw myself into them when during the next writes.

Thanks for reading, i'm glad you say i've improved!
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Offline Rojas

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2012, 11:56:43 PM »
Interesting story we have here. I like the set-up so far and hope to see more soon. Wonder what ONE has planned for Ciro.

Side Note - Are you still working on that story with the girl and the house on water? That still interests me.

Offline rubixmaestro

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2012, 01:12:06 AM »
Oh man Rojas i thought i replied really. My net being insane again I guess.

I meant to say the story is still in the same development stage, as i really don't know where to go with it and what medium/method of story i want to tell it in.

And yes, ONE has many things planned. I need to write them up, i really liked the way this story came to me.
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Offline rubixmaestro

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2013, 05:49:34 AM »
I think i need help with this story, either that or i feel like burning it *sigh
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Offline Last

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #6 on: January 12, 2013, 03:22:07 PM »
Well burning it to ash might be a bit much. Personally I just keep all of my abandoned projects in a "unfinished stories" folder.

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #7 on: January 16, 2013, 03:31:05 PM »
Okay, to move this project forward faster i'll put it in 'Developing' mode. I'll basically discuss some of the innards of the plot for your input? Because i need help with this.

So I feel like i've set up Ciro for a crazy life way too fast. The idea is that the controller abuses his power to give Ciro commands and ultimately changes his whole school life, and i don't know how to do this.

1stly, the school social structure. I don't know where to even begin building from. All i know now is that it's an elite academy with many floors and mixed from kindergarten to college level, and that its filled with tech, but i don't know what or who to use to accurately paint a picture of the place

2ndly i need an arc building tip. Do any of you have those? I want to go with a shounen arc feel to introduce how this whole Punks system works, and then get into the meat of the story...

Any suggestions for anime/manga that could help me with this?

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Offline Last

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2013, 01:49:10 PM »
Well setting him up for a crazy life with this thing early is probably the best thing you could do. You need a hook, without really giving them much to go on. Baiting the line if you will, you only want to give the fish enough to take the first real bite before reeling them in.

So onward to your points.

1. Look to architecture. Find styles of ascent. Different grades would be on different levels, the higher your grade, the higher the floor. For a change or pace, have the college levels break the norm, have them in some subteranean section or something. If you don't want a tower, perhaps spread the school out across a hill. Just make sure that it would be easy to tell at a glance of this structure, just where those on top would be.

2. You need a mini-arc. Get the problem to be solved, an antagonist, the works. All on small scale though. You just need to introduce what's what more clearly. This is also a good way to introduce some characters. Could be something simple like being forced to steal something from one of the teachers. Just what needs done to get the point out.

Let's look at bleach for an example. Kubo has a pretty simple arc system. Training arc -> Rescue arc -> Training arc -> rescue arc -> and so forth. What you need is that first arc. Harken back to that first substitute shinigami arc. From the moment Ichigo meets Rukia to the  moment Byakuya shows up and stabs him the chest. All we do is learn about his powers and meet the other characters.

Offline rubixmaestro

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2013, 06:02:14 PM »
You really have a grasp on story structure huh.

I can look at a few photos, and a mini-arc is definitely in order. I hate to resort to flash-backs so i think i'll flood in a few characters to make things interesting. But i think from now on i'll be writing as though it's a 'pilot' episode.
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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2013, 10:51:37 AM »
II. The Rise of Kraper: A legend begins

Reed Sye was Ciro's friend, and a fellow Punk. Ciro had explained the situation, but he had already known of the event, of course.

Reed was staring at Ciro like he had gotten the plague. He just couldn’t stop, and Ciro didn’t blame him. It seemed with every passing second, a bull rammed his chest harder and harder as he remembered what he had just done. He had just kissed The Red Iron Maiden. And also, he had just kissed a girl. His first. He was overwhelmed.

This can’t be happening to me right? What the hell was I thinking? Reed stared at the floor, feeling dazed.

Accusing looks assaulted him as he passed the hallways. A quick glance at the school's public forum had  “Pervert Kisser Attacks!” As the most discussed topic.

“Look, it’s the Kraper.” A whisper.

“Let’s hide, the Kraper is here!” A scream for the benefit of everyone. People scattered. Others laughed.

“Shh! Don’t make him hear you he may target you next.”

“Some people are beyond pathetic…”

Ciro’s eyes were downcast.

“Reed…”

“Y-yeah?” Reed looked at him, walking like a crab all the time. He wanted to stick with his friends but the looks were a bit much for him. He was already sweating buckets and he kept on adjusting his glasses.

“What does Kraper mean?”

“Er…” Reed patted his face with a handkerchief. Ciro worried that his already thin and lanky friend would sweat himself into non-existence,

“Er well… It’s derived from Kiss-rape. Since you uh… Did that so Kissraper Kraper yeah that’s what it is…” He looked miserable. Ciro appreciated it, even though he knew he was just under pressure from walking with him.

“My life… my life is over.”

Reed laughed loudly. Then stoppered his mouth. People glanced at him as well.

“I-I’m sorry!”

“Yeah, no problem.” Ciro murmured.

Their murmurs continued. One of them said “Birds of the same feather I guess. No wonder, he’s The Kraper after all.”

The bell rang in the distance.

The hustle bustle of students, and he was soon left alone in the hall. The teachers didn’t expect him in by class because of his admission to the infirmary, and besides he had detention so it didn’t make a difference if he went to class or not.

He looked around the clean hallways that was once full of students. The Kidiz were already moving in, the little saucer shaped contraptions zipped all across the floor eating up miniscule amounts of dust with their sophisticated equipment.

Ciro knelt down to one of them and held it up.

“Excuse me sir, let me down please!” It said in a cute little girl’s voice. Ciro looked at it indifferently. He knew it was all just preprogrammed.

From what Ciro knew, the Kidiz were a joint science project of the pre-highschool classes. The brightest minds had designed the robots with those from class 4 helping to program the software. Or rather, Jericho had helped program it.

“Please let me down sir or I’ll tell! ” The bot said with a pouting voice.  Ciro smiled. So cute.

“Let me down… you…”

“You?” Ciro’s eyebrows were raised.

“You Kraper.”

“Eh?”

The bot span out of his grip, using tracker balls to land safely before speeding off to join its fellows in a V formation that was sweeping the long hallway.

“Guess the programming has become more complex hahaha. Haha…”
Ciro stared out towards the now empty hallway. He slowly stood up and stared out of the hallside window.

“What am I doing?” He asked the air.

You  useless human.

The world… It was turning gray.

“Ah… this again.” Ciro said resignedly. He had no control over the thoughts -
(everything is so, so, so, so boring so pointless what are you even doing what changes even if you change all that will happen is that you’ll be forgotten.

“No…” Ciro clenched his fists. They still came

You’ll never amount to anything and nothing you do will rise you out of mediocrity you lose all the time all you do Is lose. Why do you even bother seriously you have parents

“STOP!”

You’re so sick in the head you can’t even let ghosts lie and you create something like me just to-

Beep.

His phone. He was back. But he hadn’t been gone for long. Those episodes only lasted a second.
His eyes widened a moment and stretched out his fingers to form the phone.

A message from ONE.

ONE: You’re really something else, Ciro –excuse me, Kraper-san.

Ciro stared at the phone and ONE wrote further.

ONE: This school hasn’t had such juicy gossip since the beginning of the term. It’s perfect! I didn’t expect a random test to help me get nearer to my objective so fast!

Ciro looked at the message for a while. No further words came. Was ONE expecting him to reply? Ciro frowned with annoyance.

… I can’t believe this guy is so comfortable with this system. We ALL thought no one would take it seriously for a while. At least a month or so. That’s what Jericho said according to his estimations…  Or did that bastard actually know and hide this from us? He’s the weirdest of all of us, The King of Social Paraihs so it wouldn’t be a surprise if he hid something, even from his only friends…
Ciro’s finger hovered over the holographic keybad. He tentatively typed out his reply.

Ciro: You’ve ruined my life.

He felt stupid and childish writing it. He didn’t even know why he did in the first place.

ONE replied: Haha, finally you talked! I Thought this would be one sided for a very long time. This works out for both of us then, if you’re this friendly.

Ciro looked at the message and sighed. But he had to admit. Something was nagging him.

He replied: What you said earlier… about making me a king… what did you mean?

ONE: Ohohoho. Silence is golden. I think I need to toy with you just a little more.

Ciro: Great.

ONE: To be honest I don’t trust you still haha.

Ciro looked at the message and replied immediately

Ciro: Why is that?

ONE: I think that you… more than anyone in your group. Still has a certain something... And that’s why you’re even more perfect for the role of PuPPet than any of your friends.

Ciro: what something is that?

ONE: Hohoho. Silence is golden.

Ciro grit his teeth and he typed out some choice words, but then deleted them and wrote something else.

Ciro: So what do you plan on doing? Please tell me you won’t send me after more girls. I
Ciro couldn’t type more as he felt himself heat up greatly around the collar
Ciro felt himself blushing furiously. He felt amazing dizzy all of the sudden.

I can’t believe it. Did… did I really… really kiss that girl? He’s mind whirled. He couldn’t believe it
even saying it now!

Beep. ONE was speaking again.

ONE: ohho… I’m sorry, I can’t promise that, Kraper-kun.

Can’t Promise that?! Ciro wondered.

Ciro: What do you mean by that!

ONE: Ciro… can I call you Ciro?

“No you cannot!” Ciro shouted, forgetting to write down the same.

ONE: Then, Kraper, let me tell you…

(On second thought maybe I should’ve let him call me Ciro) Ciro thought as he read.

ONE: ... not only are you going to go after all the girls like a shameless pervert… You’re going to make an epic conquest against the norm. You shall make… a Harem.
Ciro’s face filled up with red. He stabbed at the keypad with fury.

Ciro: No! I’ll refuse!

ONE: …How? You’re my puppet!

Ciro: I’ll invoke The Clause!

ONE: Oho? … Okay… I’m typing in an order now. Let’s see you do it.
Beep.

A red speech bubble filled with simple white text: Go apologize to Haruka Zel from Class 2 for kissing her against her will.

In the background, faded out until he clicked on it a red square floated. It showed a cartoon of a balding man with a walrus moustache stepping out of a bird cage with a smile.

“Cancel order” was what was written on the card.

Ciro’s finger reached for it without hesitation.

ONE: By the way, a bit of friendly advice…

Ciro’s hand stopped.

ONE: I haven’t even gotten STARTED. But if you’re still willing to waste your order then…  >:D
Ciro stopped. He bowed his head.

“Ah man dammit. Fine.”

ONE: Good boy. I’m off now. See you tomorrow, Kraper.

When Ciro finally gathered enough strength to walk away, a person hid themselves behind a series of lockers. Leaning against a wall, the girl spoke to the air with a soft measured voice,

"Ah... So it was just a joke."

She breathed in once. And breathed out in clear relief, clutching her heart.

"I knew it... My love would never betray me like that."

She flipped open her phone, The light barely illuminated her features. "But i must place countermeasures to free him from his imprisonement... My poor Ciro-kun."

She walked away, melting into the darkness.
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Offline Yuki

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #11 on: March 09, 2013, 12:48:15 AM »
Nice story. :) I do like activities in a story than dialogs but your story line is good. Keep it going !

By the way If Admin is reading this, Why don't we post our members ecchi stories and drawings in Ecchiworld FB fan page ? It would a nice present for members who take time to get done a ecchi story or drawing.  8)

Offline rubixmaestro

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #12 on: March 11, 2013, 04:08:35 PM »
Thanks i'm glad you like it! I'm writing something that i'm really not used to so it's always great if someone likes it.

I don't know if i'm ready to post this thing publicly though. Maybe under an alias but definately not with my original name... ecchi isn't something i'd like to show my friends.
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Offline rubixmaestro

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #13 on: November 16, 2013, 03:27:05 AM »
Apologizing to Haruka Zel, where would he even begin? Now that he thought of it Ciro didn’t know Haruka’s routine. He needed to step back a little and organize everything. He looked at the time. It was still the morning hours.
     Around 80 minutes till my appointed detention. Ciro scanned the hallway; he even walked up to the window and looked outside. He was scanning everything in sight meticulously, but if only he could see himself. He didn’t even truly notice his reflection in the one way glass, nor was he exactly studying the surroundings like an interested onlooker would. He was calculating, calculating. He walked further passed the hallways. The classes that were in session occurred behind antediluvian fashioned sliding doors and there were no glasses to see outside, so he didn’t worry about being seen.
     He stopped by each class in session, hearing part of a lecture on Geography, Physics and even an Arts class. He stopped by each class on the floor. This floor consisted of F1’s multiple classes. The high school classes were set up like college classes in that everyone could choose their own subjects and they each had their own periods they could attend if they wished or not. However this whole floor belonged to F1.
     With his strange inspection complete, Ciro sighed and looked at his watch again. 30 minutes were remaining. It seemed to be a fair sacrifice.
     He knew what to do.
     “You.”
     But he didn’t expect the very person he was looking for to have stepped out of her classroom. Haruka Zel in all her furious glory.
     For a moment they both stared at each other, and she trembled with suppressed anger,
     “You… did I not kick you hard enough? You… What the hell is wrong with you. I don’t know what family you came from but it must be full of perverts. Lechers. I bet the men in your family all prey on young girls and-”
      “I’m sorry.”
     The sentence was like a needle to a balloon. Haruka seemed stunned for a moment. Normally there wouldn’t be anything surprising about an apology. Normally the furious party would continue their tirade over the pitiful apology. However the sincerity in this phrase was impossible to miss.
     “You… You think that’s enough if you apologize?”
     Oh oh. I only thought as far as getting her out of class and the apology. She got out herself so this plan is surprisingly shorter than I intended? What do I do…?
     Ciro glanced at his phone for one second. It contained no orders. He began to sweat.
     Haruka walked up to him. She was taller than him, “You know titles like Red Iron Maiden aren’t for show. I can really hurt you badly if I want. I come from a military family, and you know exactly what that means.”
     Ciro swallowed. Indeed he did. And he couldn’t believe that a military type was attending the same school block as him. Anyone from the military at the very least could apparently scale this gigantic school in a few jumps; they could punch through walls and apparently dodge bullets. But somehow, like the apology there was enough sincerity –however cold it was – for Ciro to believe it.
     “I really didn’t mean it. I-it was an order you see.”
     “A what?” Her hair seemed to be flying.
     Beep. Ciro’s phone registered a new message. With a sinking feeling of dread he opened his display and saw exactly what he feared.
     ONE: Do not under any circumstances reveal that you are a Punk. It’s a pity that this isn’t a rule in the source code of the program and I thought you’d be more prudent so I’ll go ahead and put that out there.”
     Such a long message meant ONE was serious.
     “Er…”
     Haruka’s anger wasn’t helped by the fact that Ciro seemed to be consulting his phone. She held her hand to her side.
     “Haruka?”
     Suddenly a voice spoke through the classroom door. The teacher peeked through, “I thought you were excusing yourself to the bathroom, what-”
     He noticed the situation.
     “Krape- Racoon, what are you doing here? Aren’t you meant to be in detention?”
     “I… I came to apologize to Haruka first, teacher.”
     “There’s plenty time for that later. Don’t bother her anymore. You know, I’m one of the few teachers who knows exactly how smart you are. It’s a pity that you seem to be inclined to trouble-making all of the sudden, but I’d suggest you stay out of trouble from now on, okay?”
     “Yes sir.”
     “Haruka, please tell me if this man bothers you. But… I must also ask that you put aside your personal feelings just this once and accept his apology. I’m sure he won’t do it again.”
     “Do it again… Do WHAT again?” She seemed to be turning her fury on the teacher. The teacher waved his hand sheepishly, “Um… Kiss?”
     She seemed to turn to stone at the word.
     “Kukukuku….”
     “?” Both Ciro and the teacher glanced at each other uneasily,
     “Hahaha… HAHAHA, I’ve never kissed ANYONE before. What are you talking about? I’m the proud military daughter of the Zels! I am the embodiment of power and grace, and I will NOT have my name sullied!”
     Whack, Crack. Ciro somehow found himself spinning in the air and crashing on the ground in a ball of red pain. He and the teacher couldn’t see what had happened. Somehow he had been smashed in the face and spun into the air like a windmill.
     “Ah… such a troublesome girl.” The teacher smiled. Ciro spent a few moments to recover and then got to his knees, “Sorry to disturb your class sensei. I’ll be going now.”
     “Ah I see.”
     The teacher watched as Ciro walked off. His thoughts secret to himself, he closed the door and attended to the class again.
     The clean detention room offered no hope of hiding himself. He seemed to have 4 neighbours this time around, and they all clearly knew of his rising fame as the Kraper. The bullies all shot menacing glances at him and stayed away.
     Ciro sighed, hoping for it all to be over.
     But as fate had it…
     “Looks like you’ve got one more joining you. Remember. This room is wired. So stick to reading your notes and stay quiet!”
     With this the fat teacher responsible for their detention deposited the latest student like a stray cat.
     This ‘stray cat’ however was more like a lioness. An angry, furious lioness.
     Haruka Zel’s eyes immediately locked on Ciro, who brought up his panel to his face and continued reading.
     She stomped directly straight to him, “You… Why are you ruining my life?”
     “What did I do now?”
     “Because of you I was late to class!”
     “How? I thought you were headed to the bathroom or something. Don’t blame me if you ate anything weird.”
     "You…”
     The door swung open, “If you want more quality time with Mister Reed over there then by all means.
      Stay one hour longer than the already set time, the both of you. If you make any more disturbances I’m okay with keeping you here until morning. We have food and showers after all so you’ll be at least a little comfortable. As for beds just imagine these desks are royal beds or something.”
     “N-no. I’ll be – we’ll be quiet sensei.” Ciro mumbled, fixing Haruka with a fixed stare that said ‘don’t even think of doing anything funny’. The fat teacher grunted, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
With that he disappeared.
     Haruka stared at Ciro for a moment more. Ciro begged that she wouldn’t do anything. He begged and then finally she stalked away, her heels clicking heavily in the ground. The atmosphere was frigid and Ciro knew that his days were numbered.
     “I’m so dead. I can’t believe I’ve earned the Red Iron Maiden as an enemy.”
     His phone beeped, “Pass Haruka Zel a love note.”
     Time stopped.
     Ciro stared at the new order.
     ONE was a demon. A demon that was savvy with computer technology. No- it was the devil. Like a true contract where one sold their soul, he had given his soul over to the devil whose only interest was to torture Ciro for the remaining days of his life.
     “You… You…” Ciro whispered at his display, hoping for more messages to come through, but ONE spoke no more than that.     
     All there was was the order: Pass Haruka Zel a love note.
     For a moment thoughts went unbidden in his head: how to circumvent this. But it was impossible. If it was determined that he had failed an order because he had refused to do so his life would be over. Jericho had made sure of that. That damn programmer.
     Ciro swallowed and slowly looked behind him. Haruka was slashing at her computer screen with a digital pen, as ferocious as a legendary swordsman of ages past. She felt his glance and looked up at him. If it was possible, her frown was even more pronounced, and Ciro had to blink as he felt he could almost see flames leaking out of her eyes.
     “Nope. No ways that I’m going to do that. The order isn’t specific about the time anyways. I can always interpret it as passing the note five years from now or something. Besides, what is a ‘love note, exactly? I could pass her something that talks about a love note… five years from now. Yes. That’s safe.
      In fact I can escape many of these things like this. It’s a perfectly good loophole to expose in this mad program. After all, we made it in the end to help ourselves right? Why should I be at the mercy of it?”
     Another message appeared, “Pass the message here and right now before your one hour of detention finishes. The note should say ‘Haruka I take back my apology, because I truly do feel that I love you my fire angel.”
     Blood drained from Ciro’s face. The devil had foreseen his actions. How much money did this demon have to be sending message after message? What the hell was happening?”
     “My… fire… angel?”
     Ciro took a deep breath and tried to ignore it. Sweat poured down his face as he looked at his science notes.
     Jericho… If I can ditch detention then I can run directly up to Jericho and ask him to help me out somehow. Just this once. This is too fast according to his predictions! Also, I could use my one cancel order to get rid of him.”
     But after that more crazy orders could come in. The main problem was that his rights were sold to ONE.
     In other words, the only way to be free is to find another Handler. An individual who was less insane than him. Ciro wasn’t sure, but he was sure in the documentation that the owner of a Punk could be contested and bided against. This meant two things: That he’d have to find a handler somehow richer and more motivated than ONE. He wasn’t sure what ONE was talking about with Rexes and kings and harems, but he knew that no matter how eccentric he was he wouldn’t want to spend too much money to keep Ciro. Yes, he’d convince this new Handler that he was totally worth it, to bid over ONE’s ceiling.
     But how to convince someone that he was useful? He’d have to offer something. Ciro didn’t care, He’d be better off with the bullying type who used him as a foot slave for menial errands than this madness that would get him killed by the daughter of a martial arts family.
     His thought process soon came to an end. He had almost slipped into the blue out world where everything was coldly calculated to perfection. He regretted not crossing into that threshold because it meant that he had to be aware when he did what he had to do.
     Yes, at the moment he had no choice but to follow the orders. But was it really okay? He sure as anything didn’t know how boy and girl relationships were supposed to go, but he doubted someone like Haruka Zel would be won simply because of such dogged foolishness.
     In the few entertainment books he had ever read in his life (Ciro didn’t like fiction) he found himself endlessly annoyed by how everything was simplified for these kinds of things. The idea that some girls were secretly soft inside and putting on a hard exterior. He more than anyone knew how well people’s faces reflected their inner being. Their mannerisms, their expressions and their friends are enough to tell who a person is. Closer to home all his friends were all in the same boat as he was.
     Yes. He was a useless human being like everyone else. He was mediocre in everything that he did. There was really no reason for some dead thing like him that walked around pretending to be alright to have personality and worries about things like these.     
     Unintentionally, he had entered a grey haze.
     Ciro didn’t even care as he wrote the note as instructed. He did it methodically, precisely. He typed out the note and left it on his screen.
     Walking over and delivering the note wasn’t directly in the orders, so he used the practical means of sending the note through the wireless network. Haruka Zel’s account was blocked and not set to receive. He thought for a moment and decided to prompt a connection.
     He looked behind him even as he waited for the connection request to be received. Haruka gave him a dark look, glancing at a nearby monitoring device and then forcefully jabbing at her persocom. The request curtly denied.
     Ciro sighed and stood up, walked over to Haruka and showed her the message. He didn’t consider that he was being monitored or that even one of the fellow detainees was able to read what exactly Ciro was showing her.
     “Seriously?” Was all the boy could comment. But he had a look of pallor on his face rather than mocking. He knew what was coming.
     Haruka looked up at him, her frame trembling.
     Ciro coldly acknowledged that more trouble would brew.
     Haruka stiffened when she looked Ciro in the eye, as though she had seen something. Perhaps she was able to control her urge because of the surveillance.
     Ciro didn’t register this strange behaviour and turned and walked to his desk.
     The door burst open,
     “You brat! So it’s you huh! You’re the problem here! Show me whatever the heck you showed the girl NOW!”
     “The message is deleted sir. Sorry.” Ciro said mechanically.
     The fat teacher flared up at this and grabbed Ciro by the scruff of his neck, “A spoiled brat is a spoiled brat after all. Miss Fatima and Mister Komodo seem to put a lot of praise in you every chance they get, but you truly are just a useless adolescent trash pumped in the head with sex juices. As promised you will be spending the night here! You hear me?”
     Ciro stared up at the teacher, “Yes Sir.”
     This man also stiffened at his look.
     “Tch. Good. If you don’t want to start losing your actual academic marks then this should be the end of it. In any case this will be a mark on your record already!”
     “…” Ciro stared ahead. He did not reply.
     Truthfully he did not even see the teacher’s final angry frown and notice him leave.
     All the while in his head. You are useless. You are pointless. You are no longer needed in this world.
     Why did you even bother with this program? Such a pain. Such a pain.
     The hour passed. Everyone was freed from their detention.
     Haruka left without looking back. The others seemed to avoid his desk.
     Such a pain.
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Offline Last

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Re: Punks Under The Bridge
« Reply #14 on: December 22, 2013, 03:15:34 AM »
Man Lego, at this point I don't know if you're writing ecchi, psychological horror, or some nightmare form the depths of the netherworld combination of the two.

I say that in the most positive way.